by Johann Franck (1650)
-Inspiration for Bach's Jesu, meine Freude, BWV 227 (Mvt. I, II, III)
Jesus, my joy,
pasture of my heart,
Jesus, my adornment
ah how long, how long
is my heart filled with anxiety
and longing for you!
Lamb of God, my bridegroom,
apart from you on the earth
there is nothing dearer to me.
Beneath your protection
I am free from the attacks
of all my enemies.
Let Satan track me down,
let my enemy be exasperated –
Jesus stands by me.
Even if there is thunder and lightning,
even if sin and hell spread terror
Jesus will protect me .
I defy the old dragon,
I defy the jaws of death,
I defy fear as well!
Rage, World, and spring to attack:
I stand here and sing
in secure peace.
God’s might takes care of me;
earth and abyss must fall silent,
however much they rumble on.
Away with all treasures!
You are my delight,
Jesus, my joy!
Away with empty honours,
I’m not going to listen to you,
remain unknown to me!
Misery, distress, affliction, disgrace and death,
even if I must endure much suffering,
will not separate me from Jesus.
Good night, existence
chosen by the world,
you do not please me.
Good night , you sins,
stay far behind me.
Come no more to the light1
Good night , pride and splendour,
once and for all, sinful existence,
I bid you good night.
Go away, mournful spirits,
for my joyful master,
Jesus, now enters in.
For those who love God
even their afflictions
become pure sweetness.
Even if here I must endure shame and disgrace,
even in suffering you remain,
Jesus, my joy
...Just a reminder that He's ultimately the One in control, always.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Discovering the Self
[Copied from my private blog, originally dated 11 April 2009]
It's so funny how people love to stand on a podium and speak out against issues, against things, against ideas, yet the moment the person behind the words is revealed, that person hides in vulnerability. Behind the cape, the showmanship, the glamor, who is that person?
I had to see myself recently as I spent some time in an impoverished area in London as I really am. Challenged to the maximum, I cracked under pressure. What can I say? After over two years of being a Christian, my love for Christ is still minimal compared to what it can be and how strong it can be. It was a real wake up call for me to realize that I am in a place of privilege and what I do with that privilege is absolutely essential to my life as a Christian.
More specifically, I mean to say that I was in a tough area of London, an area where "youth work" essentially means working with 13 to 19 year old predominantly black male youth who are usually involved in gun crimes, kniving crimes, and other crimes of the sort... I found myself judging the community, the people, and especially the youth. I found myself unwilling to compromise, and very unhappy with my sickness, my flat, my flatmates, and the overall chaotic nature of the work. I found myself, frankly, as I really see things - from a privileged, ungrateful point of view.
This was confirmed when I went to meet one of my friends in Central London one day and afterwards, went to Regent's Park to sit for a little bit... I just realized as I sat in the park how much I missed being in a safer, nicer place, how much I missed seeing mothers and kids play nicely in the playground and having everything clean and neat around me. I walked back to the Underground and upon getting on the lift, I observed two men and one woman, all within their twenties looking very posh and affluent. I listened in on their conversation, not particularly by choice.
There was a board next to the lift that had two columns, each labeled "platform 1" and "platform 2" respectively. Below the label were a list of the stations each train on the respective platform would be carrying its passengers. One guy joked to the girl saying, "imagine if the lift took you directly to the station listed" refering to the board. The girl, looking appalled and reluctant at the idea, responded with something to the effect of, "God forbid I end up in Queen's Park".
Thing was, the place I volunteer is there. Yet I fully understood her point although I myself was repulsed by her response. I felt God tug at that shameful side of myself, of the pride of being "above" those people over there, of wanting to be isolated from such a place. Am I so highly religious and orderly that I am "above" such a place and people? Never! Yet, Christ was reshaping my perspective to see just how worldly my perspective has been and how unworldly it must become if He is to use it for His will. I felt utterly convicted, and quite ashamed of myself.
When Christ came to us, He didn't spend His time with the clean and neat, the rich and mighty. He came for the sick, the dying, the poor and crying. He knelt down to help the weak, held hands with the crippled. He was the ultimate youth worker, the ultimate healer of the ages, the one who loved those who none felt were worth to be loved. I am humbled by His love and work for mankind, His utmost devotion to the human race despite our utter undeserving, ungrateful nature. And He is teaching me, step by step, to see things as He sees them, to be grateful for one more day, and to love without restriction, as He loves us.
I hope one day I may truly learn this lesson. Praise be to Him.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
From Rome to London and back
In Rome, I had a crazy 2-hour adventure of missing three trains I could take to Ciampino, where my departing flight would be taking off. I was late for my first train and couldn't find the station, then the second train I missed because I didn't know it was that train that I needed to be on, and the third one I couldn't get on because I had trusted the Departures list but the actual station the train was leaving from was on the digital board which, by the time I found out, I went and the train was gone. Thus, on my fourth attempt to get on a train that would take me to Ciampino, I was very happy to see that finally, I was on the right train when I looked out the window and saw my airport.
Now, now I was not dropped out right at the airport. Instead, when I got off, I found myself once again lost in the midst of trying to figure out where I was and how I could get to the airport. Thankfully, this elderly gentleman who speaks English asked if I needed a taxi. I said yes, but that I needed to get cash. He told me that's not a problem and I got in the cab. This was my first big break all morning. Alas, he brought me to the airport with some good conversation and I gave him 10 pounds in place of the 17 or so euros the trip actually cost. I finally go to get on my flight, and thankfully because I'd printed my boarding pass the night before, I was okay for getting straight on the security queue. I got to the gate, and there was a queue that practically filled up the entire room. I didn't understand why. Then, when I got outside, I realized that we are put in a shuttle straight to the airplane and that was it, we were on our flight to London.
Once in London, I had to get to Queen's Park, the part of Kilburn that the Oxford Kilburn Youth Trust (OK Club) is located at and where I would be volunteering for about two weeks, or so I thought.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Italy - Day Three
March 26th - Rome
At about 5 a.m., I took some benadryl to hopefully knock me out and give me some sleep. I was restless almost the entire night and when I woke up at about 6:30 a.m. to Joelle's blowdrying her jeans because basically none of her clothes had dried overnight after she hand-washed them the night before, I told her my situation and begged her to understand. Being Joelle, she immediately understood and sympathized, especially since her clothes were still wet and she was undergoing quite a bit of stress herself. Thus, I lent her some dry clothes and we did our best to be out of the hotel (and checked out) by about 7:15 a.m., which was enough time for us to get to the train station and buy our tickets.
Only, one big problem - my ticket said 17.50 euros and Joelle's said 32 euros. I told her that she should try and change the ticket by waiting in the queue again, so she did and I waited. But she came back and told me that the person at the counter doesn't really speak English. With literately 5 or so minutes until the 7:32 a.m. train (which we believed was ours) would leave for Rome, we decided that I would go and get on the train and she hopefully would catch up to me. I run up to the platform, and thankfully the train was late. I stood there fidgeting, hoping and praying that Joelle would make it in time. She came back, and seeing that the train was late, took my ticket with her and tried again to get the right ticket. When she came back, thankfully, the train still hadn't arrived and in fact she had her ticket exchanged to say 17.50 euros as well.
We both got on the 7:32 a.m. train and for the beginning of the ride, talked about how great it was that things worked out. Then, the train conductor came to us and looking at our tickets, told us very bluntly that we were on the wrong train - that in fact, we still got on the 32 euro per person train, the express train from Pisa to Rome. We would both have to pay about 27 euros in extra fees. We were both pretty devastated at the news, Joelle moreso than myself since she told me that she's spending more than 3K for all of her travels combined. We tried our best to enjoy the train ride, with the beach view out of our windows, but things just didn't work out the way we'd planned.
Once we arrived in Rome, we made it a point to get on the metro and find our hostel. We found it relatively easily since it was only one stop away and dropped our things off... I have to admit that in every aspect, I will take a hotel over a hostel ANY day if given the choice and the money. We decide to go to the Vatican museums first, then work our way to the Trevi Fountain and the Colosseum. We take the metro to the Vatican and after grabbing some food (my suggestion) and eating in a park-like area, we go to the Vatican. At this point, Joelle has lost it a bit, being so stressed out and wearing wet clothes, and since I'm sleep-deprived as well, we are pretty much making no sense in conversation but laughing quite a lot about it. Joelle keeps talking, and I keep commenting on her comments (which she always says, "why don't we just nit-pick on every detail of everything I say" in rebuttal), and I just continue to give her a hard time ;)
We get to the museums alas and it is beautifullll. The queues really weren't bad at all, especially for students, and from the moment we went up the escalator to the first exhibit of the museums, we found ourselves immersed in Roman architecture. Everywhere, everywhere there is detail and color and beauty, just the amount of intricacy, the amount of time and effort put into every painting on the walls, the ceilings, the tiles on the floors, I cannot describe. It is simply too beautiful, even for the complex dynamics of the English language.
That was my reaction to the Sistene Chapel. Nothing can compare. It is the most descriptive, telling, God-praising, awestriking piece of art piece I've ever come across. You see Adam's fingers so close to the Father, yet so, so far away, and the realms of Hell waiting for the doomed, that wretchedness that mankind hath caused by choosing to disobey God. It is the most tragic story ever told in art, and it brought tears to my eyes. How, how could we be so naive to think that we deserve salvation when it is so clear that we fall so very short from the glory of God? He is reaching for us, yet we give Him apathy, like rebellious adolescents, we turn away, yet He loves us, wants us by His side. By far, that was my favorite yet most heartwretching part of the entire Italy trip.
We walked around the museums for a bit more, which was great, and then we sought out how to get to the fountain and went for it. The Trevi Fountain was gorgeous, but I made a bit of a judgmental comment about the magnitude of tourists on the stairwell looking at the fountain - "They're like a rat pack, all cramped up like that" and Joelle very obviously disapproved. Thing was, there were so many tourists all packed staring at the fountain that all the glamor of seeing the sight was taking away for me, so I just snapped a few photos and we went on our way to the Colosseum.
The Colosseum is beautiful, especially with the Italian sunlight shining upon its rock. We took lots of pictures and walked around it. Joelle suggested gelato, so we took some small streets and found this excellent place for gelato. We walked to a park across from the Colosseum and sat looking at the view. It was beautiful, and we enjoyed the sunlight while it still lasted, just relaxing and enjoying the moment. We took more photos as time went on, and I just savored being in Rome for my last few hours of being a tourist before heading off to London the next morning.
We ate pizza for supper after dropping our things off at the hostel. Not the best pizza, but it was cheap supper. We went back after supper and Joelle wanted to try and find a laundramat so I went along... it was much harder than we expected and took us three times of asking different people who all told us it was about 50 meters away, to finally come upon it. Even then, the laundramat lady who clearly hates her job, gave Joelle a hard time and still after paying 3 euros to dry her clothes, her clothes still were not fully dry. We went back to the hostel, where Joelle dropped her clothes off and said she wants to go to an internet cafe to talk to her parents.
We went and she talked with her family for a little less than an hour, while I semi-napped on a chair nearby, mostly there because I care about her and I don't want her to be outside in the dark alone, especially since she wasn't in the best of moods. Then we headed back to the hostel, talked just briefly, but both of us were exhausted and soon enough, I took a shower, and fell asleep.
At about 5 a.m., I took some benadryl to hopefully knock me out and give me some sleep. I was restless almost the entire night and when I woke up at about 6:30 a.m. to Joelle's blowdrying her jeans because basically none of her clothes had dried overnight after she hand-washed them the night before, I told her my situation and begged her to understand. Being Joelle, she immediately understood and sympathized, especially since her clothes were still wet and she was undergoing quite a bit of stress herself. Thus, I lent her some dry clothes and we did our best to be out of the hotel (and checked out) by about 7:15 a.m., which was enough time for us to get to the train station and buy our tickets.
Only, one big problem - my ticket said 17.50 euros and Joelle's said 32 euros. I told her that she should try and change the ticket by waiting in the queue again, so she did and I waited. But she came back and told me that the person at the counter doesn't really speak English. With literately 5 or so minutes until the 7:32 a.m. train (which we believed was ours) would leave for Rome, we decided that I would go and get on the train and she hopefully would catch up to me. I run up to the platform, and thankfully the train was late. I stood there fidgeting, hoping and praying that Joelle would make it in time. She came back, and seeing that the train was late, took my ticket with her and tried again to get the right ticket. When she came back, thankfully, the train still hadn't arrived and in fact she had her ticket exchanged to say 17.50 euros as well.
We both got on the 7:32 a.m. train and for the beginning of the ride, talked about how great it was that things worked out. Then, the train conductor came to us and looking at our tickets, told us very bluntly that we were on the wrong train - that in fact, we still got on the 32 euro per person train, the express train from Pisa to Rome. We would both have to pay about 27 euros in extra fees. We were both pretty devastated at the news, Joelle moreso than myself since she told me that she's spending more than 3K for all of her travels combined. We tried our best to enjoy the train ride, with the beach view out of our windows, but things just didn't work out the way we'd planned.
Once we arrived in Rome, we made it a point to get on the metro and find our hostel. We found it relatively easily since it was only one stop away and dropped our things off... I have to admit that in every aspect, I will take a hotel over a hostel ANY day if given the choice and the money. We decide to go to the Vatican museums first, then work our way to the Trevi Fountain and the Colosseum. We take the metro to the Vatican and after grabbing some food (my suggestion) and eating in a park-like area, we go to the Vatican. At this point, Joelle has lost it a bit, being so stressed out and wearing wet clothes, and since I'm sleep-deprived as well, we are pretty much making no sense in conversation but laughing quite a lot about it. Joelle keeps talking, and I keep commenting on her comments (which she always says, "why don't we just nit-pick on every detail of everything I say" in rebuttal), and I just continue to give her a hard time ;)
We get to the museums alas and it is beautifullll. The queues really weren't bad at all, especially for students, and from the moment we went up the escalator to the first exhibit of the museums, we found ourselves immersed in Roman architecture. Everywhere, everywhere there is detail and color and beauty, just the amount of intricacy, the amount of time and effort put into every painting on the walls, the ceilings, the tiles on the floors, I cannot describe. It is simply too beautiful, even for the complex dynamics of the English language.
That was my reaction to the Sistene Chapel. Nothing can compare. It is the most descriptive, telling, God-praising, awestriking piece of art piece I've ever come across. You see Adam's fingers so close to the Father, yet so, so far away, and the realms of Hell waiting for the doomed, that wretchedness that mankind hath caused by choosing to disobey God. It is the most tragic story ever told in art, and it brought tears to my eyes. How, how could we be so naive to think that we deserve salvation when it is so clear that we fall so very short from the glory of God? He is reaching for us, yet we give Him apathy, like rebellious adolescents, we turn away, yet He loves us, wants us by His side. By far, that was my favorite yet most heartwretching part of the entire Italy trip.
We walked around the museums for a bit more, which was great, and then we sought out how to get to the fountain and went for it. The Trevi Fountain was gorgeous, but I made a bit of a judgmental comment about the magnitude of tourists on the stairwell looking at the fountain - "They're like a rat pack, all cramped up like that" and Joelle very obviously disapproved. Thing was, there were so many tourists all packed staring at the fountain that all the glamor of seeing the sight was taking away for me, so I just snapped a few photos and we went on our way to the Colosseum.
The Colosseum is beautiful, especially with the Italian sunlight shining upon its rock. We took lots of pictures and walked around it. Joelle suggested gelato, so we took some small streets and found this excellent place for gelato. We walked to a park across from the Colosseum and sat looking at the view. It was beautiful, and we enjoyed the sunlight while it still lasted, just relaxing and enjoying the moment. We took more photos as time went on, and I just savored being in Rome for my last few hours of being a tourist before heading off to London the next morning.
We ate pizza for supper after dropping our things off at the hostel. Not the best pizza, but it was cheap supper. We went back after supper and Joelle wanted to try and find a laundramat so I went along... it was much harder than we expected and took us three times of asking different people who all told us it was about 50 meters away, to finally come upon it. Even then, the laundramat lady who clearly hates her job, gave Joelle a hard time and still after paying 3 euros to dry her clothes, her clothes still were not fully dry. We went back to the hostel, where Joelle dropped her clothes off and said she wants to go to an internet cafe to talk to her parents.
We went and she talked with her family for a little less than an hour, while I semi-napped on a chair nearby, mostly there because I care about her and I don't want her to be outside in the dark alone, especially since she wasn't in the best of moods. Then we headed back to the hostel, talked just briefly, but both of us were exhausted and soon enough, I took a shower, and fell asleep.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Italy - Day Two
March 25th - Florence
I woke up with about 7 and a half hours of sleep, much more well rested than the day before, and after a quick breakfast, walked with Jo to the train station to catch the train to Florence. We bought our tickets and caught the 9:30 a.m. train to arrive at about 10:30, 11:00 a.m. in Florence. The train ride was one of my favorite parts of the entire venture. The view is spectacular, the seats are quite comfortable, and the fare was quite inexpensive, at least in the grand scheme of costs. We talked a great deal during the ride and I took lots of photographs with my camera. I just loved being able to immerse myself inside Italy, really see the villas, the beautiful landscape, the people going about their everyday businesses. Quite amazing, really.
Once we arrived in Florence (at the right station because we nearly got off at the wrong one but Jo had better instincts, mind you), we took a while finding a cafe to sit down and plan our day in the city. After some meandering, mostly in part to Florence's crazy roads and streets, we finally sat down at a nice cafe and figured out what we would be doing for the majority of the day. Kristin and Brittani were to arrive in about an hour and we were to meet them at the train station. We planned out where the Galleria del Academia was so that we would see Michaelangelo's David and then left the rest of the plan moderately open for the other girls to help us decide. Jo and I finished our drinks and went on our way to the train station, where we met Kristin and Brittani (because Jo spotted them). We decided for lunch first, and headed on our way to find a place to eat.
Kristin and Brittani found a place with pizza for 5 euros, which makes sense given the size of the pizza (huge!!). Jo and I wanted to search about, however, so we continued walking and told the girls we'd see them a bit later. We went on walking, found a grocery shop and a small deli. I went inside the small deli, bought a sandwich (which was quite good) and had some local people point at my Oxford sweatshirt. We came outside and ate in this beautiful, quaint little park at the end of the block. It was quite fantastic really. I then went back and talked to the girls, and again went back to the park, wrote a little bit in my journal, and when everyone finished lunch, we went onwards towards the gallery. It was a bit frustrating, truthfully, finding the place, and it didn't help that Florence was, by far, one of the most confusing places I've ever been to. Alas we found the gallery and went inside.
Michaelangelo's David is magnificent. Really quite remarkable, and by far, the most brilliantly done sculpture ever known to man. It was completely worth the trip to stare at the statue in person. There is nothing like it, really. And the fact that it has been kept so well in-tact... it's quite a blessing. I spent some time just writing about the details that Michaelangelo took notice of in his masterpiece. That was really one of two main highlights of the day. We spent quite some time in the museum, looked at some other paintings and I checked out the music museum section with Jo. Afterwards, we walked to the Duomo, which is a brilliant cathedral that is just striking in its grand demeanor. We took lots of pictures, got some gelato (which was not worth that 2 euro or so price), and continued walking in hopes of finding this particular restaurant said to have a fantastic 3-course meal with drinks for 10-11 euros per person.
The search for the restaurant, very bluntly put, was quite a disaster with the four of us. Kristin and Brittani's main concern was to go to the train station and away from the "shady area". Jo and I wanted to keep searching for the restaurant. Eventually, after quite some frustrating bouts and arguments (specifically Jo and I were losing it...) we decided to separate for dinner.
Jo and I, quite flustered by this point, went on trying to find the restaurant, and at first we were still unsuccessful, but finally upon asking people, we found the place!!! (YAY!!!!!!!!!! After so many hours and that type of frustration, you'd be jumping with joy as well). We had quite a brilliant supper, and all for 11 euros :) I was quite happy and we toasted in celebration.
After supper, we decided to walk straight back to the train station and wait for our train there. Luckily, our train was already in place and we could wait for the train to depart while sitting within its cabins. We sat on the train and talked most of the way back. We got back to Pisa, where things seemed more familiar, and were very much relieved to be back in our hotel.
Little did I know, I had quite a restless night ahead of me...
I woke up with about 7 and a half hours of sleep, much more well rested than the day before, and after a quick breakfast, walked with Jo to the train station to catch the train to Florence. We bought our tickets and caught the 9:30 a.m. train to arrive at about 10:30, 11:00 a.m. in Florence. The train ride was one of my favorite parts of the entire venture. The view is spectacular, the seats are quite comfortable, and the fare was quite inexpensive, at least in the grand scheme of costs. We talked a great deal during the ride and I took lots of photographs with my camera. I just loved being able to immerse myself inside Italy, really see the villas, the beautiful landscape, the people going about their everyday businesses. Quite amazing, really.
Once we arrived in Florence (at the right station because we nearly got off at the wrong one but Jo had better instincts, mind you), we took a while finding a cafe to sit down and plan our day in the city. After some meandering, mostly in part to Florence's crazy roads and streets, we finally sat down at a nice cafe and figured out what we would be doing for the majority of the day. Kristin and Brittani were to arrive in about an hour and we were to meet them at the train station. We planned out where the Galleria del Academia was so that we would see Michaelangelo's David and then left the rest of the plan moderately open for the other girls to help us decide. Jo and I finished our drinks and went on our way to the train station, where we met Kristin and Brittani (because Jo spotted them). We decided for lunch first, and headed on our way to find a place to eat.
Kristin and Brittani found a place with pizza for 5 euros, which makes sense given the size of the pizza (huge!!). Jo and I wanted to search about, however, so we continued walking and told the girls we'd see them a bit later. We went on walking, found a grocery shop and a small deli. I went inside the small deli, bought a sandwich (which was quite good) and had some local people point at my Oxford sweatshirt. We came outside and ate in this beautiful, quaint little park at the end of the block. It was quite fantastic really. I then went back and talked to the girls, and again went back to the park, wrote a little bit in my journal, and when everyone finished lunch, we went onwards towards the gallery. It was a bit frustrating, truthfully, finding the place, and it didn't help that Florence was, by far, one of the most confusing places I've ever been to. Alas we found the gallery and went inside.
Michaelangelo's David is magnificent. Really quite remarkable, and by far, the most brilliantly done sculpture ever known to man. It was completely worth the trip to stare at the statue in person. There is nothing like it, really. And the fact that it has been kept so well in-tact... it's quite a blessing. I spent some time just writing about the details that Michaelangelo took notice of in his masterpiece. That was really one of two main highlights of the day. We spent quite some time in the museum, looked at some other paintings and I checked out the music museum section with Jo. Afterwards, we walked to the Duomo, which is a brilliant cathedral that is just striking in its grand demeanor. We took lots of pictures, got some gelato (which was not worth that 2 euro or so price), and continued walking in hopes of finding this particular restaurant said to have a fantastic 3-course meal with drinks for 10-11 euros per person.
The search for the restaurant, very bluntly put, was quite a disaster with the four of us. Kristin and Brittani's main concern was to go to the train station and away from the "shady area". Jo and I wanted to keep searching for the restaurant. Eventually, after quite some frustrating bouts and arguments (specifically Jo and I were losing it...) we decided to separate for dinner.
Jo and I, quite flustered by this point, went on trying to find the restaurant, and at first we were still unsuccessful, but finally upon asking people, we found the place!!! (YAY!!!!!!!!!! After so many hours and that type of frustration, you'd be jumping with joy as well). We had quite a brilliant supper, and all for 11 euros :) I was quite happy and we toasted in celebration.
After supper, we decided to walk straight back to the train station and wait for our train there. Luckily, our train was already in place and we could wait for the train to depart while sitting within its cabins. We sat on the train and talked most of the way back. We got back to Pisa, where things seemed more familiar, and were very much relieved to be back in our hotel.
Little did I know, I had quite a restless night ahead of me...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
